Thursday, October 30, 2008

Holding in laughter makes it look as though I've been crying

So I finished my work early today, and went to read some more archives of my favourite blog du jour.

The difference between boys and girls

Particularly when taking photos. I was trying to hold back laughter and now have watery eyes and let out a few unfortunate snorts.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Abuse in the Wind

This afternoon I left work a bit early as I had pretty much finished for the day and wanted to go for a bike ride before the sun disappeared. (No worries, I'm a good lady and am back at work now to make up for the lost time.)

It was a super ride! It was quite windy but I hardly ever was in a direct headwind, most headish winds were coming at me from an angle. Still difficult, but not nearly unmanageable.

I got back to work and the pain started. My knees were throbbing when going up and down the stairs. As I started to cool off I got super cold and really wished for a blanket. But the worst, and I have noticed this even since biking on chilly spring days, is when you boobs get cold. It is actually quite painful as your nipples get tight and shrivel up.

It feels good to get that off my chest, no pun intended.

Do males experience such a phenominum?

I re-launched my UPEI gym membership last night. I thought I would hate the gym as I have been on a bike all summer and haven't been to the gym since sometime in early June, I suspect. Regardless, it was okay. I hopped on one of the spin class bikes for about a half hour and proceeded to sweat about 30 gallons of liquid from every pore on my body. I've had sweaty arms before, but actually being able to see the round beads of sweat all over yourself is really something. I'm hoping that something is "attractive" and not "disgustingly repulsive". You would think I would want to use a different piece of machinery rather than a bike, but no. The spin bikes are amazing and are much more similar to an actual bike than the other exercise bikes. They adjust size/height wise in many wonderful ways. And they seem so much less... machine-y. On the ellipticals, treadmills, and stairmasters, you are surrounded by massive pieces of plastic and various parts. Bike = simple, elegant, sexy. Much like myself. Hense why I like bikes.

I managed to stay at the gym for a bit over an hour. I think that's my time limit, depending what's on the telie. I'm not going to get too crazy or anything. Maybe once winter hits and I get bored and the sun vanishes by, oh, 4-freaking-15. I seem to plump up in the summer (drinking on patios, laying in a sedetary fashion in the sun) and then de-plump in the winter. Except the two years I skipped winter in the UK and US. Deplumping did not occure, results were evident in various photos. Had nice Jen Jugs though. Hee hee...

La fin. To the gym? Meeeh... I guess, I did pay for it. Maybe I will sit in the sauna to fix this nipple problem.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Elephant dream

Last night I had a dream about elephants. Baby elephants, specifically.

Sometimes I feel like I have such a kindergarten brain. Elephants!! Clap!!

In my dream I was at the Calgary Zoo and two baby elephants walked out of the elephant pen. Apparently they really wanted to see me. How they communicated this with the zoo keeper is beyond me. Of course they were adorable, and of course I wanted to play with them. However, for some reason I did not play with them. So very curious. I think I was a bit intimidated. Anyway, this dream served as a reminder that I must read the Globe & Mail this weekend. According to Friday's edition, there is to be an article on elephants in the travel section.

Completely related, I turned to an online dream dictionary to find out the significance of elephants in my dream. I don't think, however, that the fact they were elephants were key to the dream; it was more about how much I loved them, but was scared of them.

From ....
"In the Zulu culture, the elephant is the symbol for wisdom, patriarchy, and sacred relationships (similar to the bear or eagle in Native American culture). It is important to notice that geographically different cultures find symbols within their own contexts to convey universal themes of human concern.
"Also, most western cultures revere the elephant as powerful and possessing a strong memory. Because of our common acknowledgment that elephants have powerful memories, to dream of an elephant may be an association with the act of memory-this may point to something forgotten in your life."

Another website mentions that baby elephants specifically symbolize good luck or forture.

What really bothers me about the dream, other than the fact it was only a dream and I did not have the real opportunity to play with elephants, is that I was kind of scared. It was clearly something I wanted to do, but I was too scared to do it. On the other hand, at least it reminded me to read the Globe today, perhaps that was the real meaning of the dream - to trigger a memory?

Anyway, I shall do something now. Perhaps head for a bike ride (though it is supposed to get quite windy which makes my left knee hurt) or go to the library to return some books.

La fin. Encore.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Internet obsession du jour

I have found my favourite blog of the moment (with the exception of mine, which continues to amazine the masses, no doubt):

Fat -

Even if you are not a biking fan, he is a fantastic writer - aka, he is HILARIOUS. I'm reading through the archives now and will be sad when I complete them for I will have to return to unhappy life full of humourless blogs (again, other than my own).

I am supposed to be social now with the people in my home. Perhaps I should take Mr. Laptop downstairs and entertain them with oral readings of my new favourite blog? Surely it would be much more entertaining than the silly hockey game that is on the telie at present. Vomit.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Science Experiment: bar de power

Today I am doing a research project not related to tourism.

On my adventure at the Superstore last night, I noticed many Powerbars on the discount rack. (I was originally looking at the hair dye, as my hair continues to be a case for the fried-rainbow convention.)

Apparently these Powerbars are generally about $3.00 but these were marked down to $1.15. I became curious. What would happen to me were I to eat such a powerful bar? Would I work faster? Become more restless? Be able to move furniture with the tip of my pinky?

Today I am going to find out. After work I shall eat what remains of my powerbar. I slightly cheated and nibbled a bit off last night (wanted to know what it tasted like to avoid disappointment the following day), and have had a few munches today out of Office Boredom (tm). Over half remains of this "Vanilla Crisp" flavoured Powerbar. After work, I shall don my biking clothes, mange my Powerbar, and proceed to bike to the moon.


Two questionable conditions have developed this afternoon.

1) As stated, almost half of the powerbar is already gone. This reduces potential derived power by almost half. Power gained is directly related to the amount of power eaten.

2) I'm really full. I made chili last night and had some of my 800 litres of leftovers for lunch and am already proteined out. I feel I may need to use the washroom soon, so I am hoping that will create more room for the Powerbar.

3) I am uncertain as to when the Powerbar should be consumed. Should I eat it about a half hour prior to my bike ride? Perhaps I should consume it right before my ride, swallowing the last bits as I mount Sexay Bicyclette (my bike's name today, sometimes it changes). Should I even eat it after my ride as an attempt to re-fuel?


It also should be noted that the Powerbar is apparently step one of three. I am unsure as to what the other two steps are. Step 2: Physical activity? Step 3: Throwing up Powerbar after too much physical activity? Such mysteries.

4) It is cold out, about 5C apparently. This means my bike ride may not be that long, because I hate the cold with a very special passion. This morning my TEETH hurt when biking to work. Biking into the wind proved difficult thus my mouth was open in an effort to increase my air intake. The result was a chilling breeze skimming the top of my bottom teeth, which still feel weird right now. My face and ears were also cold, but my torso did its usual, "Holy crap your wind breaker works well and is an amazing insulator, I must sweat profusely now!"

I think it would be useful to perform a similar experiment on the same day next week. However, this time I will not eat a Powerbar. I will still eat the excessive (sigh) amount of chili. This will aid me in determining if it is the Powerbar giving me the strength of a bear, or simply the Jen Mac chili (extra lean ground beef, corn, zuchini, green pepper, red pepper, onion, kidney beans, tomatoes, chili seasoning, ketchup, and wee bit o' cheese occasionally).

What an educational evening this will prove to be. Now if you will excuse me, I have a Powerbar to slowly eat. It must be eaten slowly because it almost has the delicious texture of taffee, so it is impossible to eat quickly.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Useful Things to do with Office Supplies

Oh, I had so much to say and my brain just crashed about ten minutes ago. Case in point, I actually wrote "ten minutes away" instead of ago before fixing it.

Today my too-large-but-wonderful pants (aka capris) were falling down, so I fixed them with a binder clip. What a wonderful invention. Suddenly my pants fit better than they have in YEARS. (And by 'years' I mean twelve months.)

Now, let's not just stop there. These binder clips could be used for MANY wonderful things!

  • Hair clips - the clips come in multiple sizes, but I'm thinking they would generally be ideal for the end of a braid.

  • Paper weight - although I suppose one could simply bind the papers together using the clip with its intended purpose.

  • Curtain shutters - you know how sometimes your curtains just don't *quite* meet in the centre? You could use a binder clip to piece the curtains together. I can't actually test the level of usefulness for this as I do not own curtains. You will find this entertaining if you are outside of my house between 8:00 - 8:30am or 11:30 - 12:00am. Location of said house withheld.

  • Nose plug - I am terrible at swimming without a noseplug. While the binder clip would be a bit much and possibly crush some important part of the nose structure. However, this would serve as a catalyst or incentive for the swimmer to learn how to swim without a nose plug.

  • Nail file - not to file the top of ones nails, but to pick out dirt that may appear under the nail. There are many edges and sides to binder clips, especially when one considers the silver squeeze things (technical name). Those could also be used to pick small objects/wax/general dirt from the ears. And nose, if your into that, which I know everyone secretly is when you have some mucus up there that blowing the nose just doesn't seem to wedge free.

  • Clothes pins - this is an easy substitue. In fact, I suspect he/she who invented the clothes pin was probably influential in the design of the useful (in so many ways, as we are learning) binder clip.

  • Torture device - well, yeah, clearly. It is recommended that men not be bastards when naked next to a woman yielding multiple binder clips.

I am very confident that there are many other uses for binder clips, but I encourage you to use YOUR imagination and free time (or work time) to explore further options.

Now I must learn about H2B visas. Or go to bed? No, learn about H2B visas. I have the feeling Canadians cannot apply for them, but I will use the power of Google and my reading skills to make certain.

Five minutes later: Canadians can apply for them!! Now, I just need a plan *cough* Hawaii *cough cough*

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

100% with election predictions

I am so proud, my two measly elections predictions were spot on. I have become a wee bit of a politics junkie over the past few weeks. Replace my Olympics junkiness, I suppose. Anyway, I predicted three Liberal and one Conservative seat on PEI, and figured it would still be a Conservative minority.

Anyway, now that the election is minutes away from being over, I suppose I can retire my mini-crush on Jack Layton. I felt he would look after me. If I were to be locked outside of my house and Jack Layton was walking by, he would get me in. He would either kick in the door with his mighty cycling legs or punch through the window, letting me in. He would probably fix either the door or window afterwards too. Then he would smile at me, and his teeth would sparkle and make that ding noise. *ding* I also wanted him to challenge someone to an arm wrestling contest at the end of the Engish debate. (I geeked out and watched both the French and the English debate. Listened to Elizabeth May speak at the University too.)

I've been a wee bit sickish lately. Cough. Me and everyone else in this great G-8 nation, apparently. It makes me want to sleep a lot, which is not possible, because of other commitments. Like work. Riding my bike. Eating. Growing a belly. Making funny faces in the mirror. And so forth.

I'm supposed to be in bed now actually, but it's kind of Jen Mac tradition not to sleep much prior to travelling. I'm leaving tomorrow after work con la familia to travel to Haut Canada (high five doing history in French) pour visiter mon frere. Mon frere est grand. Il aime couper ses cheveux. J'aime mon frere parce qu'il est drole par fois. Mais je suis plus drole, parce que je parle plus que lui. Mais comme pour cent, je ne sais pas. Peut etre nous sommes egalement droles.

I've started wearing fall clothing now. This means I wore jeans once for a couple of hours (so... weird...) and wore dress pants one day at work. I have also wore a coat about a half-dozen times. I actually quite like my spring/fall/not-so-cold-days-in-winter coat. However, mostly I just wear my black boots with long shorts or capris. Oh, and I wore sandals the day I wore pants. Don't want to get too crazy all at once. Pfft.

I've been quite busy at work lately writing a kajillion reports (give or take). I feel like I could write them in my sleep, which is productive, because sometimes writing them makes me want to fall asleep. Hee. (I poke fun, but things are still going well at work. Like today there was apple pie and there are often lollypops in the admin office.)

On Saturday I was going to bike to Hunter River, but my legs were not cooperating. Instead they were pointing and laughing at me. So about three-quarters of the way there I decided to lay on a bench and enjoy the sun. There was not a SINGLE CLOUD in the sky, and the warmth of the sun felt amazing. I'm convinced people who live in sunny locations must be, overall, statistically happier and less likely to suffer from depression and thoughts of suicide. I hope to replicate this sunny sensation at some point in the near future.

Oh election. I could start following the American election, but I kind of don't care. It's interesting... and, wait, no, no it's not really. I feel like the US election has been going on for a decade or so. It is like a long running TV series.

The Canadian debates were interesting, but a bit irksome. I enjoyed how they were all sitting around the table, face to face. However, it just seemed so finger-pointing-esque. Point at Harper, complain, hiss, stamp feet, then smugly smile. Actually, I think the most smug smiles came from Harper. His tactic to make the other party leaders more emotional. Let them freak out at you, and simply stare back at them with a smug smile. Watch their blood pressure slowly rise as they ramble more to try and make their point better.

I liked the French debate because I am much better at understanding anglophones speaking French than francophones speaking French. So I had to pay super attention to the frenchies, but could slightly relax with the.. anglies.

Anyway, a shower would be pleasant. I have to return library books before work tomorrow morning because the library AND the drop-box were closed yesterday. I have never before encountered a closed DROP BOX. Weird.

La fin.