Thursday, February 03, 2011

Let's go car shopping!

I'm in the process of buying a car. So far I am at step one - selecting the car. I have been at step one for about a month. I haven't even figured out a brand, company, line, whatever they're called. At the rate I'm going, step 5 (driving the car home) should take place on June 23, 2013. Let me know if you need a drive anywhere on that day and we'll have plenty of time to plan ahead and make arrangements.

Set the scene, mate: 28-year-old female. Doesn't like spending money. Doesn't have a big interest in cars. Tends to be indecisive about 99% of most things. Likes quirky, un-safe colours.

Car preference: something that doesn't have only two doors. Something that is not grey, light blue, white, yellow, or sad. (The colour "sad" tends to vary, but is a weak hue that offers no inspiration in life. If the poor outlook of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh were a colour, this would be it.) Round as opposed to linear. (View interior of Matrix vs. Corolla for further example. Bubbles = good, rectangles = bad.) Ideally an automatic. There should also be an eject button for when I am escaping from bad guys and need an emergency exit and am willing to sacrifice the life of car for my own well-being. Hieroglyphics should be etched onto the hubcaps. Interpretation of these drawings will lead to the whereabouts of an undiscovered tomb, housing hundreds of Egyptian and alien artifacts (alien artifacts were stolen by the Egyptians, then hidden as to not disturb the calm of Egyptian society). The back seat/trunk/hatchback area must be spacious enough (when seats are folded down) to place a manatee wounded by poachers.

It is also critical the car is of a colour that can show off these awesome stickers I plan to cover it with: Tiki Toes.

The car should also match my skin tone which is making the prospect of silver cars awkward. Instead, I present to you, the Orange Accent, which is currently making my heart throb. (Link will be broken if the car is sold, which it was not at the time this was posted.) Sadly, you will note the lack of hieroglyphics on the hub caps. Shoot. (Also, silver is not a real colour. It's an element on the Periodic Table with the abbreviation Ag. If mangnesium, plutonium, helium, and lithium are not colours, neither is silver. The colour "silver" is actually shiny grey.

Oooooh, frustrated. Secret: the car I actually want is a shiny red Honda Fit. But even used ones start at $12,000, plus $6,894,987 in taxes.

Maybe. I think. Maybe not. It's kind of funny looking on the outside. But so are anteaters but people still like them.


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