Friday, December 03, 2010

Wardrobe Fail of the Day

I felt very productive this morning. I got up, showered, pulled out handfuls of hair (I am a sexy shedding beast), figured out what I would wear to our work Christmas party this evening, figured out what I would wear to work, seemed to get everything in my backpack, and happily pranced out the door after a strong shot of orange juice. (Note: I don't advocate skipping breakfast and had plans to eat breakfast at work.)

I arrive to work, change, and go about my day in a regular fashion. I hang up work party dress on the back of my door, feeling very adult-like that I remembered to take it out and not allow it to become a wrinkled, frumpled glabbered piece of fabric. Later in the day I was maquillaging (variation on French verb for putting on make-up that I like better than the English word) and needed my eyeliner sharper. Yes, I wait til I get to work to put on make-up. The colder air and the Uni's winds make my eyes water, resulting in a make-up DISASTOR! AHHHHH! I thought I had tossed the sharpener in my coat pocket and was searching in it. My dress was hung on top of my coat and I noticed a wee speck of wine on my dress. Not a big deal, one wee speck of red wine on the side of a red ruffly dress isn't very noticeable. THEN the fluorescent lights of my office illuminate my dress in a different way.

The one speck of red wine was foreshadowing. Wine alllllll over. Well, not allllll, but more than ten splashes. The last (and first!) time I wore this darling dress was at the wine festival in June. So the stains have been coiling around each individual strand of fabric for FIVE AND A HALF MONTHS. Me thinks dabbing water on each one and lightly blowing is not going to help. Putting it in a trough of bleach and letting red dress slowly turn white all over may be the only means of having a stain free dress again. Except it's weird fabric, and I think the bleach would actually eat the fabric with a gentle fierce-ocity previously seen only when I find the leftover cream cheese icing in my parents' fridge after Mother makes carrot cake for holiday dinners. *droooool x infinity*

You probably find yourself scolding me mentally, how foolish she is to be spilling wine all over herself! However, I am very careful with red wine, and I was not the only person at the event. Proof exists that not all (perhaps most!) were not caused by me: the stains on the BACK OF THE DRESS. There is only one hypothesis fore there need be no more...

...someone was trying to sabotage my beauty.

Or it could had been Charlottetown staying classy and teetering about with alcohol at the festival. Or it could had been going to The Globe after the wine festival. Sometimes people spill their drinks at clubs, or drops of liquor splash over the sides or tiny tumblers. I know, shocking. Why we all don't wear smocks is beyond me.

So now the dilemma is to wear the dress, or wear my work clothes and be stuck wearing them until 2:00am when I expect to arrive home. Long-sleeved, lime green dress shirts may not be bar appropriate. Plus, history shows that someone (65 of my closest and dearest friends!) will likely splash booze all over me. SO (!) may as well wear the already stained dress rather than ruin more clothes?

Next year I wear a dress fashioned of saran wrap to the wine festival. Sexy factor = +7


07triplady said...

Stain on back......easy fix--make sure you always look your friends in the eye and they as well will only see your front.

Jen said...

But there were too many of us... we were like a small team of, apparently, drippy people. Next time I give them all sippy cups.