Thursday, February 15, 2007

Wow - it is windy outside! This winter weather is getting old. I realise winter is supposed to last for multiple months, but I'm done. Winter can leave. Where is my sun? I'm probably going to get rickets from lack of vitamin D. Wouldn't that be sad? I wonder if more Canadians develop rickets than, say, Brazilians.

I am still going through my quarter-life crisis. I randomly freak out, stuff myself with sugar, whimper, and then smile again. It is becoming quite repetative and annoying. My quarter-life crisis will probably leave me with a perma pot belly and diabetes.

I am trying to improve my French and it is kind of hard. I listen to Radio Canada 88.1 (French CBC) almost 100% of the time when driving. I sometimes watch TV in French and understand just about nothing. I am reading Harry Potter a l'ecole des sorciers and am quite enjoying it! But that doesn't quite satisfy me. I never really lost my ability to read in French; I really would like to improve my speaking and listening skills. My pronounciation is also shite, as I find myself mentally giving certain words spanish accents when reading.

Today I determined that getting a job is scary because I feel like it will be the end of my adventures. It's like someone will hand me a job on a plate, and I have to make it last forty years. Will I never get to live in Europe again? Will I be doomed destined to spend the rest of my life on PEI? What if I become... boring? Oooh, scary. However, I don't find people who chose to live on PEI boring, so hopefully I won't be boring either.

Being unemployed should be enjoyable, but it's really not. It is stressful. It is ALWAYS on the back of your mind. Personally, it feels like such a failure and I have, umm, kind of stopped applying on jobs in the past week. I just got frustrated and angry. I pretty much flipped out and bawled (productive, I know,) when I found another interesting position open only to someone on E-freaking-I. I realise the purpose of the HRSDC Job Creation Program is to take someone out of the unemployed work rather than have someone quit a job in order to take the new one, but I am unemployed too! Just because I do not fit the proper EI statistic doesn't make it right to leave me stuck in the red mud.

I have a job interview tomorrow morning and meeting re another job in the afternoon. I know that makes it seem like I'm making great strides, but that's after about a month of looking. Brilliant. I'm actually quite disappointed in myself regarding how I have been handling my life lately. I should be enjoying my free time. That volunteer work I intended to do? I have done minimal. My scrapbook? Sitting in a drawer in my closet. Becoming super-fit, gym rat? Well, I've become a gym rat, but I also turn to delicious ju-jubes for a quick pick-me-up. Skiing? Nope, not yet. RRSP investments? No again! Filed my US or Canadian taxes? No, of course not, but I pretty much just have to print off my already-filled-in forms. This is when I wonder, what do I really do with myself all day? Nothingk, especially when you consider I usually sleep for only six-and-a-half hours a night. I get up, eat breakfast, maybe read some (I have read a lot recently), do some sudokus, watch some telie, eat some more, waste time on the Internet, maybe do something productive online, nothing, etc., blah blah blah. It's quite pathetic. I remember when I used to hardly spend any time at home. Hardly ever watched TV. Spent minimal time on the Internet. Well, that's in the past. I am trying to look forward, but I can see only fog for the most part. Randomly I catch a glimsp of a light in the distance, but the luminance is not quite great enough and I fall back to a displacement of zero. Okay, that is a bit of a lie. I am not at zero, I like to think I at least bumped myself up to two.

I have to do some interviewing prep now which will probably get me a little more excited :) Seriously.


1 comment:

Anne said...

Hey Jen, don't despair. It took me two months to find a job in Edmonton, which was in the middle of a boom and where everyone kept telling me there were millions of jobs. TWO MONTHS! And yet it only takes one good interview and then you are set.

Also, I'm pretty sure you will never be boring no matter where you live... just for the record!

Good luck with everything... miss you lots.

- Anne