Wow - it is windy outside! This winter weather is getting old. I realise winter is supposed to last for multiple months, but I'm done. Winter can leave. Where is my sun? I'm probably going to get rickets from lack of vitamin D. Wouldn't that be sad? I wonder if more Canadians develop rickets than, say, Brazilians.

I am still going through my quarter-life crisis. I randomly freak out, stuff myself with sugar, whimper, and then smile again. It is becoming quite repetative and annoying. My quarter-life crisis will probably leave me with a perma pot belly and diabetes.

I am trying to improve my French and it is kind of hard. I listen to Radio Canada 88.1 (French CBC) almost 100% of the time when driving. I sometimes watch TV in French and understand just about nothing. I am reading Harry Potter a l'ecole des sorciers and am quite enjoying it! But that doesn't quite satisfy me. I never really lost my ability to read in French; I really would like to improve my speaking and listening skills. My pronounciation is also shite, as I find myself mentally giving certain words spanish accents when reading.

Today I determined that getting a job is scary because I feel like it will be the end of my adventures. It's like someone will hand me a job on a plate, and I have to make it last forty years. Will I never get to live in Europe again? Will I be doomed destined to spend the rest of my life on PEI? What if I become... boring? Oooh, scary. However, I don't find people who chose to live on PEI boring, so hopefully I won't be boring either.

Being unemployed should be enjoyable, but it's really not. It is stressful. It is ALWAYS on the back of your mind. Personally, it feels like such a failure and I have, umm, kind of stopped applying on jobs in the past week. I just got frustrated and angry. I pretty much flipped out and bawled (productive, I know,) when I found another interesting position open only to someone on E-freaking-I. I realise the purpose of the HRSDC Job Creation Program is to take someone out of the unemployed work rather than have someone quit a job in order to take the new one, but I am unemployed too! Just because I do not fit the proper EI statistic doesn't make it right to leave me stuck in the red mud.

I have a job interview tomorrow morning and meeting re another job in the afternoon. I know that makes it seem like I'm making great strides, but that's after about a month of looking. Brilliant. I'm actually quite disappointed in myself regarding how I have been handling my life lately. I should be enjoying my free time. That volunteer work I intended to do? I have done minimal. My scrapbook? Sitting in a drawer in my closet. Becoming super-fit, gym rat? Well, I've become a gym rat, but I also turn to delicious ju-jubes for a quick pick-me-up. Skiing? Nope, not yet. RRSP investments? No again! Filed my US or Canadian taxes? No, of course not, but I pretty much just have to print off my already-filled-in forms. This is when I wonder, what do I really do with myself all day? Nothingk, especially when you consider I usually sleep for only six-and-a-half hours a night. I get up, eat breakfast, maybe read some (I have read a lot recently), do some sudokus, watch some telie, eat some more, waste time on the Internet, maybe do something productive online, nothing, etc., blah blah blah. It's quite pathetic. I remember when I used to hardly spend any time at home. Hardly ever watched TV. Spent minimal time on the Internet. Well, that's in the past. I am trying to look forward, but I can see only fog for the most part. Randomly I catch a glimsp of a light in the distance, but the luminance is not quite great enough and I fall back to a displacement of zero. Okay, that is a bit of a lie. I am not at zero, I like to think I at least bumped myself up to two.

I have to do some interviewing prep now which will probably get me a little more excited :) Seriously.

Cheers!

This is coming from a girl who is home from the bar far too early before her bedtime:

I know I'm going to be happy with my life; and I know I'm going to do great things. It's just a matter of putting up with the 'icks' that are currently, and will continue, to meet me. I can handle the bad things with a few tears, but the tears exist only because of the amazing experiences I have already have. Life will go on...

As it is. Despite moping for many months (!!) life keeps ticking as it should. Tomorrow I am whoring out my resume. I may wind up working at a pet shop, but that's okay. My new goal is to bring entertainment to PEI. Let's make PEI cool, eh? As Lord knows something is lacking right now. I'm going to fix that. Screw the Gentle Island stuff, we are know the Island of FUN!

According to todays Guardian, PEI has a deficit of $1.3 billion. WOW. Rather sad, for the country's highest taxed province. (At least our PST is highest... not sure about actual taxes on wages, but I'm sure we're up there.)

Based on our 1999 population of 138,000, each Islander owes approx $9422. Also curious is why the most recent population statistic on Government's website is from 1999. Is there not a more recent figure? Or is it shameful that our population is decreasing? I don't know for sure if it is, but it seems like it should be. Us Islanders aren't popping out the babies like we used to! But, of course, people are living longer and blah blah blah. But daily we contend with the Island human resource drain as "our most precious resource" leaves the Island due to shite wages. Go figure. Recently the premiers of the Atlantic provinces went out west to Alberta to try and entice our precious resources to return to the homeland. Honestly, let them stay out there. There are people here (me) that are smart and have a decent education (me) but can't seem to stumble upon work (me again!). We already have a relatively high rate of unemployment, officially. Unofficially it's even higher as I believe the rate is based on those eligible for EI. (Not me.)

So, it's essentially costing the government $10,000 per person to keep us here. Really, that's quite a bargain for them, I think. Or at least I think I'm a bargain. I cost the department of health very little and have been to the doctor's, like, three times in almost four years (and once the province wouldn't even cover me =( ) and have been in the hospital, excluding audiology and speech crap when I was little, four times - including once to be born.

I really don't have much of a point here. I wonder how much the average Islander is in debt by? Although it's debatable as to whom is considered an Islander. A student studying here for four years from, say NB, who has full intentions of leaving after grad, is he/she considered an Islander for debt stat purposes? At first I thought you could judge debt by banking figures, but that doesn't take credit cards into consideration, or financing provided by car dealerships.

While sweeping today (don't I sound like Cinderella pre-Fairy Godmother?) I thought about the lack of a theatre in Cavendish. Just a thought. As far as I know there isn't one. Would it be viable? Profitable? I think there would be potential, but could it compete with the Confederation Centre of the Arts (Confed Centre in Island terms)? The Mac? Victoria Playhouse? And others? PEI is so small that driving from Cavendish/Anne's Land takes under an hour depending on, heh, camper traffic, weather, tractors, etc. Could you find people willing to put on a show? What would the incentive be? Why would a director and/or producer chose Cavendish over another location?

I also have been thinking about the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Could a similar festival on a (much) smaller scale be replicated on PEI? It's so much fun, pretty affordable, and really does have something for everyone. Venues don't necessarily have to be a proper theatre. Anywhere a band can play a production can be performed.

I haven't been too busy with the job hunt this week. I have an interview coming up in a couple of weeks. I'm just a little indecisive as to what I want. (Other than my new two-hour dream of opening a theatre in Cavendish.) I liked working with the public at Disney and poking at kids. However, sometimes being fabulously happy and ALWAYS working with guests was a little much, and intellectually it wasn't a very rewarding job. In the other hand, I had office jobs that offered minimal contact with others and I didn't care for that too much either. I'm think I'm designed to be a temp. Bump around in a lot of different roles. Or maybe I'm best suited to run a pub or some sort of business. I could get out and work with people, but also do my intellectual running-a-business stuff too.

I don't want to sell things. Well, that's a bit too broad. I don't want to be constantly on the phone trying to sell things! Outbound sales rep isn't really for me. I mean, those are the people I feel bad for everytime they call a house and get shot down. Does anyone really take those calls?? I'll have to ask Brother because I think he did something like that for a little while.

Jobs are stupid. Remember that time I filed for six hours a day? Oooh, wow. Not fabulous.

I really want to work at a theatre. Hmm.

I miss Disney World. (Again.)

Well, it's 12:30 and I have accomplished nothing other than bookmarking a few job postings, semi-cleaning the kitchen, and watching two episodes of Save by the Bell.